Self-loathing

I've been self-loathing again. I've done nothing but waste my life away in front of the laptop. I should be reading a good book right now, or at least get my butt off the chair and jog. My family can see it too, how I gawk in front of the computer all the time. They reprimand me everyday about it and all I do in reply is nod and continue to click and type and click and type.
"You're going to regret this when you're older."
"Regina, stand up and do something productive."
I hear the same shit everyday, and I'm sick of it. It's not my fault my whole life is in The Internet. People there understand me, I've found countless of friends, I've learned much more there than in school.
Funny how I talk about The Internet like it's a place. The Internet is a sanctuary where I find my favorite people, where I find little things that make me smile, laugh or cry, The Internet has become my little nutshell.
I hate and love The Internet at the same time. Love it because of the reasons above, and hate it because it's taking me away from reality.
Without The Internet, I would've filled my shelf with different books and filled notebooks with my writings and thoughts. I would've met "wonderful" people in real life, and actually have someone to talk to comfortably in school. My mom wouldn't have to sit and wonder about what had happened to her child who used to love the outdoors so much and now has turned into a sociopath and an introvert. My dad wouldn't have to look at me with a disapproving face whenever he sees me stare at the screen. And I would've talked to my friends about that new hit TV show and not sit in a corner, thinking about what is happening on Tumblr or if my favorite person has tweeted new things.
But I can read books on The Internet, sometimes it's even better because there, you can find countless of jaw-dropping fanfiction, on The Internet, I can blog and write about my thoughts and feelings and people actually read and appreciate them, on The Internet, I've met thousands of wonderful people I can pour my feelings with. Sometimes they're even better than the people I know in real life. People on The Internet always know what to say.
Maybe The Internet has made me a bit quirky, maybe The Internet has made my family think I have a mental illness, but The Internet is where the wonderful things are. The Internet is where I belong. I don't think I'm ever going to leave The Internet. Unless of course, I find something more interesting, which seems a bit blurry at this moment.
Sure, I'd still be hating myself for just sitting around, but The Internet makes me happy. Why should I force myself into something I don't want to do? I seriously don't want to jog or talk to my neighbors, that's for sure. Maybe I'll do it next time when I'm not too busy clicking and typing my life away.
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