Such an elusive, guileful, meaningless sham.

I honestly think my life is going absolutely nowhere. I feel like every move I make affects my future and myself. This might sound a bit egotistic, but I once believed that I have the skill to write. But after being introduced to the world of Tumblr and fanfiction, I decided that I have no right to call myself a "good" writer, not even an "okay" one. I didn't know you had to use flamboyant words and colorful metaphors in order to be a skilled writer. I didn't know it was a contest, either.
Everyone seems to be competing for the title of "best writer", everyone seems to write with so many big words and well thought-out figurative speech that they squeezed the meaning out of their work. Maybe young writers these days only want to make their readers feel stupid, in order to make themselves feel smart and better than everyone else. Why? I personally think the only person you need to compete with is yourself. Set your own records, and beat them as you grow older and wiser. Why are you trying to be better than that person? Why can't you just pour your heart our for yourself and not for others? Who fucking cares if your work isn't as deep and manipulative as theirs? As long as you know you've said what you wanted to say, then you're good. You don't have to know if the person beside you did better or not.
I don't know where I'm going here, but I've just realized that every turn I make, I see competition. How expensive your clothes are, how many guys you've banged, how many concerts you've been to, every person just wants to be better than others. What I'm trying to say is that, I've been one of those people. I've tried so hard to write as good, and maybe better than writers my age, I haven't been myself. I've realized that trying to be the best only makes me not be the best. If I force myself into something I'm not, then I wouldn't be having fun. Writing used to be just a past time for me, now it's a contest, and it is driving me nuts. I've been elusive, self-loathing and bitter all because I can't write better than the guy next to me.
That's when I realized that I should stop. I will now only write for myself. I write because it's fun, I write because it relaxes me, I don't write to impress people anymore. I don't want to turn myself crazy just to be the best, because I might lose interest in writing, and lose the only thing I think I'm good at.

Plus: Funny because I was about to talk about one thing and ended up talking about another. See how erratic my mind works?
Title: Few That Remain by Set Your Goals