I like being around people, I am not anti-social at all, I like having company and someone to talk to about anything. Friends are nice to have. And that is the problem. Having friends for me is like one of the greatest achievements I've ever gotten, and that is why I have turned into an overly attached person.
"He was my friend first."
"Hang out with ME, not HER."
"ME ME ME PLEASE PICK ME AS YOUR PARTNER FOR I AM YOUR LOYAL AND MOST TRUSTED FRIEND AND I LOVE YOU"
I don't say those things out loud, because that would sound a bit creepy and possessive, but I AM creepy and possessive, so I don't know why I even bother to keep my thoughts to myself. I know I am not an entirely likable person, I could be loud, annoying, insulting and obnoxious sometimes, and it tends to drive people away (In my opinion) but I still want people to like me. I want to be liked. I want people to be possessive of ME and not me possessive of THEM. But sadly, it's the other way around. Very few people do not care if I go somewhere without them, or do something fun without them, because I am not treated as "special", unlike the way I treat them. I try my best to keep people around, and I am very afraid of losing them. The thought of having a friend getting mad at me kills me. I can't bear having someone pissed BECAUSE OF ME or AT ME. The thought is scary, I can never go around school without thinking that the person who is mad at me is talking shit behind my back. I can never carry that kind of weight on my shoulders.
I just want a friend who will like me for who I am, it may sound cliche, but isn't that what we all want?
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